Category Archives: Writing

[Fiction] Trust/Fall 2.4

Okay, I swear I’m not going to fall into the habit of making the fourth part of each chapter the lewd part.

If you missed the previous installments, check here!


I tossed my keys on the counter and glanced back at Vivian. “Well, here it is. Don’t judge.”

She smiled as she hung her coat on the rack by the door and looked around the place. I blushed a bit and made myself busy in the kitchenette. I hadn’t really intended for dinner to lead to- actually, no, that would be a lie. I had very much intended dinner to lead to something else. I just hadn’t expected that we’d be coming here. The place was less immaculate than I would have liked: dishes in the sink, discarded outfits near my dresser, underwear on the top of the laundry bin, etc.

Vivian had followed me into the kitchenette and I gasped a little as her arms slid around my waist and her lips pressed against the back of my neck. “No judgement. Promise. I like seeing where you live, Zoe. I like knowing more about you.”

I could feel my cheeks burning scarlet as my pulse quickened just having her this close. “You do?” I said as I closed my eyes and leaned back against her. I smiled as I pulled her arms tight around me and indulged in her embrace.

“Of course,” she said as she let her mouth wander up until she was whispering into my ear. “It lets me know just how to get into that pretty little mind of yours.”

I laughed and turned my head, my lips meeting her cheek. And then our lips came together and for a moment I lost myself in the taste of her. After the kiss broke she smiled that dangerous little smile of hers, kissed me once on the cheek, and whispered something else into my ear, something I didn’t quite hear.

My body felt as though something inside was starting to unwind. A knot of heat twisted and radiated out through my chest. A moment ago, I had been gently leaning against Vivian, luxuriating in her attention. Now, I was clutching at her, clinging to her, desperate. Her arms tightened around me and she kissed the top of my head. “Shhhh…I’ve got you, kitten.”

And then she said that word again. My body arched, sweat beaded my brow, half formed sounds tumbled from my lips. And again. If not from her arms I would have tumbled to the floor. My legs were weak, my thighs clenched helplessly. Again, I half heard syllables falling from her lips. And I came with her kissing my ear. My whole body shook as I cried out in mindless, inarticulate bliss. And the whole time she held me close.

Finally, she gently let me go. Still unable to stand, she helped me slide awkwardly down the length of her until I was on my knees on the floor. With one hand she gently but firmly guided my chin to look up at her.

“Now, are you going to stop worrying about disappointing me?”

“Yes” I managed, barely a gasp.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Mistress”

[Fiction] Trust/Fall 2.3

Did someone say montage?

If you missed the previous installment, please click here!


I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and stared across the counter at a hyperactive barista who had just rattled through way too many options way too fast. “Uh…cappuccino? An extra shot of espresso. Mmm…make that two shots,” I managed. As I dumped just a little extra sugar into the rich brown bliss, the aroma of coffee triggered memories of Vivian’s lipstick and her soft, genially predatory smile.

“So in a population approximating a normal distribution, which is our go to assumption for all randomly selected sample populations, some individuals will have an acute response while others may have no apparent response. Now, you can’t assume that…” I flexed my fingers and tried to focus. I loved this stuff but the professor was making it hopelessly dry and dull. Why do some people have voices that just kind of fail at captivating the human brain? Now, Viv’s voice, well I could listen to that for hours.

I tensed and arched my hips up off of my bed. One hand sliding slickly between my legs, the other busily toying with my left breast. I didn’t even try to be quiet. Sweat shimmered across my skin and my bangs clung to my forehead. My breath came quick and ragged as I felt my body build to the climax I needed. With an inarticulate scream that might have been a curse of pleasure, my orgasm took me, wrenching and wonderful. I collapsed back exhausted and laughing. Shaking my head that what had pushed me over the edge were thoughts of her.

Jacques smiled as they held a clove cigarillo between lips painted a dark, vibrant green and triumphantly put their last domino down on the rickety table. “Boom. I win.” They preened and blew a smoke ring up towards the awning protecting us from drizzle. “I- uh…hey, Zoe? You look a little distracted. Wait…did you let me win?” Their eyes narrowed in melodramatic suspicion. I just smiled, shook my head, and asked: “Hey, do you know whether Vivian has plans for Saturday?”

I carefully clipped my nails, trimmed away dead cuticle, filed, and lotioned. The cold clammy feeling of a mask from some beauty company or other pervaded my face and I silently prayed to the fickle goddesses of beauty shop freebies that this thing was actually good for my complexion. A little later I painted my finger and toenails. And a little after that I went back and fixed all the mistakes I’d made the first time. I needed to look my best.

I listened to the sound of light rain and stared into the full-length mirror. This was the third outfit I had tried on and I still wasn’t completely happy with it. Traffic had been bad coming back from class, and the clock was ticking down. This wasn’t the time to be indecisive. But no matter how much I thought that I couldn’t help it. I wanted to wow her.

Look, what I’m saying is: I had a crush.

[Fiction] Trust/Fall 2.1

So we begin Chapter 2! This may sting a little.

In case you missed Chapter 1, click here!


“Y’know that thing where parents are supposed to love and accept you and all that?” Jacques asked between mouthfuls of waffles, “Well, my folks loved their bible more and couldn’t accept me fooling around with a girl in my homeschool group.”

Vivian had been called in to work and Jacques had insisted on taking me to breakfast to apologize for freaking me out.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” I said, as I nibbled bacon.

“Nah, it’s fine,” they replied. “I found new folks. Significantly better folks, like Vivi.”

“So, she adopted you?”

“Not like, legally or anything, but yeah. She was my aunt’s roommate in college and she’s known me since I was a kid. She was also my aunt’s roommate after college, and, well, it took me embarrassingly long to realize that ‘roommate’ meant ‘girlfriend’. Anyway, my aunt passed a year or so before my parents kicked me out, and Vivian was literally the only adult queer person I knew. So, I tracked her down and showed up desperate on her doorstep.”

Jacques took a break to sip their coffee, and I tried to fill the silence. “When was this?”

“Like, five or six years back? I just wanted help getting on my feet, but Vivian, well she wouldn’t be satisfied until she’d done a whole lot more than that. I wasn’t joking too much this morning. She really is my mom, in every way that matters.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Most people don’t make a habit of walking in on their mom when she’s naked and getting ready for round two with a stranger.”

“Well, okay,” Jacques said with a devilish grin. “But, in my defense, most people are related to their moms. And Vivi is extremely hot.” She grinned like a Cheshire cat while I flushed red. “What? It’s true!”

“It is.” I mumbled down into my coffee cup trying to hide my blush.

“See? So, tell me: Was it fun?”

“The way you talk, I’d assume you’d know.”

“Awww, are you afraid you’re jumpin my claim, sweetie?”

I just shrugged and didn’t make eye contact. Jacques laughed.

“No. Honestly. Like…I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t thought of it. At length. But Vivi is way too protective to go there. The most we’ve done is workshop ideas for what we’ll do with other people, shared tips, talked about strategies to pick up hot new girls,” she said with a wink. “Besides, we like different things and Vivi’s pretty much exclusively a top. I need a bit more flexibility in a partner.”

I smiled, mollified. “Okay then. Yeah, I had a lot of fun.”

Conversation quickly devolved into specifics and then meandered to meaningless small talk.

It was a bit later when Jacques suddenly paused and frowned a little. “Look, you’re nice, yeah? I love Vivian, but…she plays with people. Like, I don’t know what you’re planning, but try not to be hurt when the novelty wears off.”

And the food tasted a little less great after that.

[Fiction] Trust/Fall, Chapter 1 (Complete)

So, it’s come to this. I not only managed to stick to releasing this thing, I actually managed getting an entire chapter finished! It’s collected here for ease of reading. I toyed with the idea of waiting and releasing this Thursday instead of the first part of Chapter 2, but there was rather insistent demand for new material.

A sincere thank you to everyone who has encouraged me and shared the story so far. I promise that there is a lot more to come.

Oh! And if you missed the prelude, click here!


“Fuck,” I whimpered at the dead piece of vinyl between my legs and my nose curled at the faint smell of smoke. This wasn’t working. A magic wand is a terrible thing to waste, and burning one out seemed a bit more like pointed commentary that I was comfortable with. Fifteen minutes and a cold shower later, it still wasn’t sitting well with me as I toweled off my shoulder length hair. I looked down at the dead vibrator sitting sadly on my bed and frowned. I flicked the switch back and forth and offered prayers to whatever god looks out for single kinky girls. Nope.

Flopping on the couch in a fuzzy blue bathrobe, I stared up at the stucco and thought about my options. School was a no, the less anyone there knew about my personal life or proclivities the better. Bars were…problematic, the kind of things I liked to do were best done sober and not with complete strangers. Personal ads? Nah, that just seemed like a good way to wind up in pieces in the river. “Fuck,” I reiterated with a heavy sigh into wet blonde bangs. Propping myself up on one shoulder I poked the laptop on my coffee table to life and with one finger poked out: ‘bdsm clubs’. Huh. That was surprisingly easy.

I mean, sure, first I had to scroll through a host of sites form the early days of the net, had to break out the brain bleach to deal with loud color schemes, autoplaying metal music, and so called ‘true dom’ bullshit, but in the end? I found a name: Sable, an address, and a calendar of events. With one of those events, a tea & coffee munch, being held in just two days. I paused as I looked at the event details. Maybe this had been too easy. I think my mind had wanted something more unattainable, something to think about and fantasize over, and eventually give up on. I hadn’t really expected it to be as easy as just, showing up and having a cup of tea. And now that it was, my stomach squirmed a bit as I tried to think of a good excuse. I bit my lip as I stared at the screen. My mouse hovered above a small RSVP button. And I clicked, and began typing an e-mail.

We’ve all got times in our life that we look back on and think: what would have happened had I done this differently? Where would I be if I had stayed home? Would things be the same had something different? And its infuriating, because you’ll likely miss the biggest decision of your life when you’re making it. You can only see that sort of in retrospect and then sometimes you’ll lay awake at night and gaze into the dark and entertain: what if? And those thoughts? They terrify me. Because I look at what came from that night, and can’t imagine my life any other way.

* * *

It turns out that the human perception of time is relative. Yeah, I know. Not exactly the biggest insight there. We’ve all had good times fly by while those things we would rather not linger: class, dentist visits, etc. take forever. Those two days? They took around two years, minimum. My anxiety used that time to run amok. What would these people be like? What should I wear? What if someone from school found out? Thoughts and fantasies about it occupied almost every moment not spent on class or sleep.

Of course, when the time came it was all rushing and cursing the traffic for making me get home late. Then it was popping in and out of a shower and racing through my wardrobe trying to find any of the outfits I had spent hours planning. Not to mention what I had to do to make my hair actually behave. Somehow though, it all came together. I made it out the door in a style that was both cute and warm: heeled boots, tights, and a cute black dress bundled beneath a scarf and a gray tweed trench coat.

The place really was just a short hop from my apartment. I’m not quite sure what expected from a depraved sex dungeon, but I actually drove right past it at first because it was so unassuming. Sable was tucked away down a little side street in a slice of downtown more devoted to shopping and nightlife than business. It was the only business on that street, but it shared a building with a bar and a darkened, “appointments only” junk shop. The windows were heavily tinted and the name was spray painted on a stretch of wall to the left of the door in a metal album cover style. The only thing that really indicated the place’s true nature was the gaggle of black leather clad smokers crowding the front walk and hovering around patio furniture.

I flushed as I walked to the door, eyes on the sidewalk. I could feel people looking at me, making comments to each other, and I knew I should say ‘hi’, but it was taking all my focus to just tamp down my nerves as I made it to the door. As it opened, a gust of warm air teased my red cheeks and brought the smell of coffee, tea, and spices. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim indoors and begins to take things in: tables, chairs, a long wooden bar; people in groups talking quietly or laughing boisterously; and a small stage space where a person patiently layered rope around an uncertain looking boy. Yeah, either this was it or I’d just walked into a really big coincidence.

“Hey, welcome!”

My reaction got a laugh. I’m told I looked like a deer in headlights. The bartender waved me over with a grin. “Menu’s up there, byob, limited food. House rules over there. Any questions?”

“Yeah, a few…”

* * *

“So…they say you have spooky mind powers.” I said with a nervous little laugh. It wasn’t the best pickup line, as these things go. But then, I was a bit out of my element here. I’d never actually been inside a BDSM club until a couple hours ago. Now I was trying to chat someone up at one. Besides, I’d never been good at this whole thing: being single, dating, etc.

The raven-haired woman looked up from her book. She took me in at a glance and then quirked a dark eyebrow and smirked. “Oh really?” She said, her voice honey laced with sarcasm. “And just who would ‘they’ be?”

I flushed a little. Then I hurriedly gestured at the person who had been up on stage tying a boy when I came in: all lanky and tattooed with a short-cropped blaze of neon red hair. “Them. Jacques. Y’know…cute, genderqueer, obsessed with rope?”

She looked over my shoulder to see Jacques, now draped over the lap of a woman done up in a corset and petticoats, and couldn’t resist a smile. “Oh. Well, they certainly say a lot of things. And I wouldn’t believe half of it if I were you.” She used her foot to push out a chair from the little wooden table she had claimed in a rather private corner of the club. “Sit.”

I could have said something about how it wasn’t a request. I could have acknowledged how that casual level of command simultaneously rubbed me in both the wrong and right ways. Instead I just set my teacup down on the table and sat myself down in the chair. “Are you saying you don’t have spooky mind powers? Cause I have to admit, that got my curiosity up.”

She took a sip of her coffee, leaving a crimson crescent on the cup. “I mean, I certainly didn’t say that.” She extended a hand. “Vivian.”

We shook, her skin was warm and a little rough. It was hard to say how old she was, though I’d guess there was almost a decade between us. “Zoe.”

“Oh, really? So tell me, is it just a coincidence that you’re named for a woman who couldn’t resist temptation?” Her eyes sparkled at her own cleverness. She wasn’t letting go of my hand, and I was in no hurry to take it back.

My stomach squirmed. “I mean, I had another name once…prefer not to talk about it though.” I said, looking down and away. Presumably she’d find out sooner or later.

“Ah.” It was a small noise. And then she squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry, I’m not going to talk about anything you don’t want to. Okay?”

I smiled, I couldn’t help it. “Appreciated. So…mind powers?”

She gently let go of my hand and leaned back. Her teeth were perfectly predatory, and she ever so idly began to toy with her necklace: a pendant of some kind of dark, reflective stone. “Tell me…do you know much about hypnosis?”

* * *

I was falling.

Something came up to meet me. It was warm and cradled me as I tumbled down. It felt like sinking into a sea of warm sand. My body was heavy, but it floated. My thoughts drifted. I could feel her hand on my cheek. I could hear her words, even if I couldn’t quite understand them.

Later, I would be surprised at how little time had passed. But that was later.

And suddenly words I could understand came bubbling through my head, words in Vivian’s honey voice dripping their way across my placid surface, making ripples: “And how do you feel now?”

“Good.” The word echoed up slowly from the well of my reality.

“And would you like more?”

“Yes.” Quiet and eager. Almost desperate.

I continued to fall. And I was gone.

I gasped with pleasure, mind reeling as her finger lazily wandered its way along my clit.

“There we go. Good girl.” She murmured.

At some point I had gone from dressed and sitting across from her on her bed to laying back naked against her. Her arms wrapped around me, my head nestled beneath her chin. I pushed back into her as she continued to touch and tease, small short gasps the only sound I could make.

“You were already so sensitive and grinding against me, and I just couldn’t help myself.” She purred, clearly amused. “I made everything a little more sensitive.”

I wanted to curse. I wanted to scream. The sensation was so intense it was agony, but it was agony buried under waves of intense pleasure. I stopped breathing for a few seconds, my mouth worked uselessly.

She leaned down and kissed me then, distracting my lips from their futile attempts to make words. I arched up to meet her. And I whined pitifully when her lips eventually drew away.

“No, shush now, I don’t think you get to talk.” She drew her hand away and hugged me tight as my hips lewdly, uselessly worked against the air, “The only thing you get to do is come. Come for me. Now.”

And I did. Just from her words in my ear. Just from her voice in my head. I had the most intense orgasm I’d ever had as she held me and kissed the top of my head.

“Good girl.” She said again. Then she said something else, but I wasn’t there anymore.

I was beneath her. The warmth of her thighs around me, her weight on my chest. My head swam as her hand ran through my hair. My eyes fluttered as the scent of her filled me. Her free hand gently played with my left nipple as she smiled down at me.

“I figured we’d both want you to be awake for this part.”

I was powerless but to blush and agree.

And then she shifted her hips forward, and I learned that the honey between her legs was just as sweet as that which flowed from her lips.

* * *

Some women just wake up looking beautiful. I have never considered myself one of them. So, I hadn’t really intended to be waking up in a strange woman’s bed within eighteen hours of meeting her. Luckily, I woke up first. Which meant I had plenty of time to waffle between freaking out and marveling at how cute Vivian looked sleeping next to me. It was hard to imagine that this serene sleepy woman had been the smoldering domme of my fantasies last night. I felt a happy little squirm in my stomach just remembering it. On second thought, I was glad I’d stayed over. Otherwise I really might have thought that it was all just a (soaking wet) dream.

I sighed and felt around on the floor for my purse, grabbed it, and washed down my morning meds with a swig from the water bottle on the bedside table. Then I went digging for my compact and tried to figure out just how disheveled I looked. Vivian must have felt me moving around. She rolled over, blinked a few times, and brushed strands of dark hair out of her face.

“Awww, kitten,” she said with a bemused grin as she placed a reassuring hand on my thigh. “I promise you’re just as much of a hottie by the dawn’s early light.”

And my cheeks were burning again. “Hey, I…sorry to wake you,” I said, awkwardly fumbling for whatever it is you’re supposed to say in these situations.

She sat up in bed, wrapped her arms around me, and pulled me back against her. Her body was warm and comfortable, and I desperately wanted to nuzzle back into her and fall back asleep. Apparently, Vivian had other plans. “Cute enough that I could be tempted into another round,” she said as she kissed my neck. “After I pee. Be back.”

She hopped up and padded to the bathroom, leaving me with my heart fluttering and a helpless grin. Both of which lasted until I heard noise from the rest of the house.

“Hey, Viv? I didn’t ask, do you live alone?” I called out. No response. Feeling suddenly self-conscious I began to dig around for my clothes. I couldn’t quite remember where they wound up last night. I was still looking when I a voice bellowed from the hall.

“All hail the conquering her-“

I grabbed at the covers, trying for modesty. Jacques burst in the door to the bedroom, same clothes as yesterday and a silly grin which quickly turned to awkward surprise. At the same moment, Vivian came out of the bathroom and stopped, naked and clearly annoyed.

“Jacques.” She said, rubbing her forehead. “Knock. That’s all I ask. It’s not that hard.”

Jacques nodded, chastised. Then couldn’t contain themself and broke out into a grin. “Wait…new girl! You’re the new girl from the club.” They winked at Vivian. “Way to go, mom!”

I fumbled for words, face crimson. And then I stopped, and stared at Vivian. “Wait. Mom?”

[Fiction] Trust/Fall 1.5

And that’s Chapter 1, folks!

If you missed the previous installment, click here!


Some women just wake up looking beautiful. I have never considered myself one of them. So, I hadn’t really intended to be waking up in a strange woman’s bed within eighteen hours of meeting her. Luckily, I woke up first. Which meant I had plenty of time to waffle between freaking out and marveling at how cute Vivian looked sleeping next to me. It was hard to imagine that this serene sleepy woman had been the smoldering domme of my fantasies last night. I felt a happy little squirm in my stomach just remembering it. On second thought, I was glad I’d stayed over. Otherwise I really might have thought that it was all just a (soaking wet) dream.

I sighed and felt around on the floor for my purse, grabbed it, and washed down my morning meds with a swig from the water bottle on the bedside table. Then I went digging for my compact and tried to figure out just how disheveled I looked. Vivian must have felt me moving around. She rolled over, blinked a few times, and brushed strands of dark hair out of her face.

“Awww, kitten,” she said with a bemused grin as she placed a reassuring hand on my thigh. “I promise you’re just as much of a hottie by the dawn’s early light.”

And my cheeks were burning again. “Hey, I…sorry to wake you,” I said, awkwardly fumbling for whatever it is you’re supposed to say in these situations.

She sat up in bed, wrapped her arms around me, and pulled me back against her. Her body was warm and comfortable, and I desperately wanted to nuzzle back into her and fall back asleep. Apparently, Vivian had other plans. “Cute enough that I could be tempted into another round,” she said as she kissed my neck. “After I pee. Be back.”

She hopped up and padded to the bathroom, leaving me with my heart fluttering and a helpless grin. Both of which lasted until I heard noise from the rest of the house.

“Hey, Viv? I didn’t ask, do you live alone?” I called out. No response. Feeling suddenly self-conscious I began to dig around for my clothes. I couldn’t quite remember where they wound up last night. I was still looking when I a voice bellowed from the hall.

“All hail the conquering her-“

I grabbed at the covers, trying for modesty. Jacques burst in the door to the bedroom, same clothes as yesterday and a silly grin which quickly turned to awkward surprise. At the same moment, Vivian came out of the bathroom and stopped, naked and clearly annoyed.

“Jaques.” She said, rubbing her forehead. “Knock. That’s all I ask. It’s not that hard.”

Jaques nodded, chastised. Then couldn’t contain themself and broke out into a grin. “Wait…new girl! You’re the new girl from the club.” They winked at Vivian. “Way to go, mom!”

I fumbled for words, face crimson. And then I stopped, and stared at Vivian. “Wait. Mom?

[Fiction] Trust/Fall 1.4

I mean, we all knew this was where she was going to end up, right?

If you missed the previous  installment, click here!


I was falling.

Something came up to meet me. It was warm and cradled me as I tumbled down. It felt like sinking into a sea of warm sand. My body was heavy, but it floated. My thoughts drifted. I could feel her hand on my cheek. I could hear her words, even if I couldn’t quite understand them.

Later, I would be surprised at how little time had passed. But that was later.

And suddenly words I could understand came bubbling through my head, words in Vivian’s honey voice dripping their way across my placid surface, making ripples: “And how do you feel now?”

“Good.” The word echoed up slowly from the well of my reality.

“And would you like more?”

“Yes.” Quiet and eager. Almost desperate.

I continued to fall. And I was gone.

I gasped with pleasure, mind reeling as her finger lazily wandered its way along my clit.

“There we go. Good girl.” She murmured.

At some point I had gone from dressed and sitting across from her on her bed to laying back naked against her. Her arms wrapped around me, my head nestled beneath her chin. I pushed back into her as she continued to touch and tease, small short gasps the only sound I could make.

“You were already so sensitive and grinding against me, and I just couldn’t help myself.” She purred, clearly amused. “I made everything a little more sensitive.”

I wanted to curse. I wanted to scream. The sensation was so intense it was agony, but it was agony buried under waves of intense pleasure. I stopped breathing for a few seconds, my mouth worked uselessly.

She leaned down and kissed me then, distracting my lips from their futile attempts to make words. I arched up to meet her. And I whined pitifully when her lips eventually drew away.

“No, shush now, I don’t think you get to talk.” She drew her hand away and hugged me tight as my hips lewdly, uselessly worked against the air, “The only thing you get to do is come. Come for me. Now.”

And I did. Just from her words in my ear. Just from her voice in my head. I had the most intense orgasm I’d ever had as she held me and kissed the top of my head.

“Good girl.” She said again. Then she said something else, but I wasn’t there anymore.

I was beneath her. The warmth of her thighs around me, her weight on my chest. My head swam as her hand ran through my hair. My eyes fluttered as the scent of her filled me. Her free hand gently played with my left nipple as she smiled down at me.

“I figured we’d both want you to be awake for this part.”

I was powerless but to blush and agree.

And then she shifted her hips forward, and I learned that the honey between her legs was just as sweet as that which flowed from her lips.

[Fiction] Trust/Fall 1.3

So this is the canon version of the piece of short fiction that started it all!

If you missed the previous installment please check here!


“So…they say you have spooky mind powers.” I said with a nervous little laugh. It wasn’t the best pickup line, as these things go. But then, I was a bit out of my element here. I’d never actually been inside a BDSM club until a couple hours ago. Now I was trying to chat someone up at one. Besides, I’d never been good at this whole thing: being single, dating, etc.

The raven-haired woman looked up from her book. She took me in at a glance and then quirked a dark eyebrow and smirked. “Oh really?” She said, her voice honey laced with sarcasm. “And just who would ‘they’ be?”

I flushed a little. Then I hurriedly gestured at the person who had been up on stage tying a boy when I came in: all lanky and tattooed with a short-cropped blaze of neon red hair. “Them. Jacques. Y’know…cute, genderqueer, obsessed with rope?”

She looked over my shoulder to see Jacques, now draped over the lap of a woman done up in a corset and petticoats, and couldn’t resist a smile. “Oh. Well, they certainly say a lot of things. And I wouldn’t believe half of it if I were you.” She used her foot to push out a chair from the little wooden table she had claimed in a rather private corner of the club. “Sit.”

I could have said something about how it wasn’t a request. I could have acknowledged how that casual level of command simultaneously rubbed me in both the wrong and right ways. Instead I just set my teacup down on the table and sat myself down in the chair. “Are you saying you don’t have spooky mind powers? Cause I have to admit, that got my curiosity up.”

She took a sip of her coffee, leaving a crimson crescent on the cup. “I mean, I certainly didn’t say that.” She extended a hand. “Vivian.”

We shook, her skin was warm and a little rough. It was hard to say how old she was, though I’d guess there was almost a decade between us. “Zoe.”

“Oh, really? So tell me, is it just a coincidence that you’re named for a woman who couldn’t resist temptation?” Her eyes sparkled at her own cleverness. She wasn’t letting go of my hand, and I was in no hurry to take it back.

My stomach squirmed. “I mean, I had another name once…prefer not to talk about it though.” I said, looking down and away. Presumably she’d find out sooner or later.

“Ah.” It was a small noise. And then she squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry, I’m not going to talk about anything you don’t want to. Okay?”

I smiled, I couldn’t help it. “Appreciated. So…mind powers?”

She gently let go of my hand and leaned back. Her teeth were perfectly predatory, and she ever so idly began to toy with her necklace: a pendant of some kind of dark, reflective stone. “Tell me…do you know much about hypnosis?”

[Fiction] Trust/Fall 1.2

If you missed the previous installment, please click here!


It turns out that the human perception of time is relative. Yeah, I know. Not exactly the biggest insight there. We’ve all had good times fly by while those things we would rather not linger: class, dentist visits, etc. take forever. Those two days? They took around two years, minimum. My anxiety used that time to run amok. What would these people be like? What should I wear? What if someone from school found out? Thoughts and fantasies about it occupied almost every moment not spent on class or sleep.

Of course, when the time came it was all rushing and cursing the traffic for making me get home late. Then it was popping in and out of a shower and racing through my wardrobe trying to find any of the outfits I had spent hours planning. Not to mention what I had to do to make my hair actually behave. Somehow though, it all came together. I made it out the door in a style that was both cute and warm: heeled boots, tights, and a cute black dress bundled beneath a scarf and a gray tweed trench coat.

The place really was just a short hop from my apartment. I’m not quite sure what expected from a depraved sex dungeon, but I actually drove right past it at first because it was so unassuming. Sable was tucked away down a little side street in a slice of downtown more devoted to shopping and nightlife than business. It was the only business on that street, but it shared a building with a bar and a darkened, “appointments only” junk shop. The windows were heavily tinted and the name was spray painted on a stretch of wall to the left of the door in a metal album cover style. The only thing that really indicated the place’s true nature was the gaggle of black leather clad smokers crowding the front walk and hovering around patio furniture.

I flushed as I walked to the door, eyes on the sidewalk. I could feel people looking at me, making comments to each other, and I knew I should say ‘hi’, but it was taking all my focus to just tamp down my nerves as I made it to the door. As it opened, a gust of warm air teased my red cheeks and brought the smell of coffee, tea, and spices. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim indoors and begins to take things in: tables, chairs, a long wooden bar; people in groups talking quietly or laughing boisterously; and a small stage space where a person patiently layered rope around an uncertain looking boy. Yeah, either this was it or I’d just walked into a really big coincidence.

“Hey, welcome!”

My reaction got a laugh. I’m told I looked like a deer in headlights. The bartender waved me over with a grin. “Menu’s up there, byob, limited food. House rules over there. Any questions?”

“Yeah, a few…”

[Fiction] Trust/Fall 1.1

If you missed the prelude, please click here!


“Fuck,” I whimpered at the dead piece of vinyl between my legs and my nose curled at the faint smell of smoke. This wasn’t working. A magic wand is a terrible thing to waste, and burning one out seemed a bit more like pointed commentary that I was comfortable with. Fifteen minutes and a cold shower later, it still wasn’t sitting well with me as I toweled off my shoulder length hair. I looked down at the dead vibrator sitting sadly on my bed and frowned. I flicked the switch back and forth and offered prayers to whatever god looks out for single kinky girls. Nope.

Flopping on the couch in a fuzzy blue bathrobe, I stared up at the stucco and thought about my options. School was a no, the less anyone there knew about my personal life or proclivities the better. Bars were…problematic, the kind of things I liked to do were best done sober and not with complete strangers. Personal ads? Nah, that just seemed like a good way to wind up in pieces in the river. “Fuck,” I reiterated with a heavy sigh into wet blonde bangs. Propping myself up on one shoulder I poked the laptop on my coffee table to life and with one finger poked out: ‘bdsm clubs’. Huh. That was surprisingly easy.

I mean, sure, first I had to scroll through a host of sites form the early days of the net, had to break out the brain bleach to deal with loud color schemes, autoplaying metal music, and so called ‘true dom’ bullshit, but in the end? I found a name: The Sable, an address, and a calendar of events. With one of those events, a tea & coffee munch, being held in just two days. I paused as I looked at the event details. Maybe this had been too easy. I think my mind had wanted something more unattainable, something to think about and fantasize over, and eventually give up on. I hadn’t really expected it to be as easy as just, showing up and having a cup of tea. And now that it was, my stomach squirmed a bit as I tried to think of a good excuse. I bit my lip as I stared at the screen. My mouse hovered above a small RSVP button. And I clicked, and began typing an e-mail.

We’ve all got times in our life that we look back on and think: what would have happened had I done this differently? Where would I be had I stayed home? Would things be the same had something different? And its infuriating, because you’ll likely miss the biggest decision of your life when you’re making it. You can only see that sort of in retrospect and then sometimes you’ll lay awake at night and gaze into the dark and entertain: what if? And those thoughts? They terrify me. Because I look at what came from that night, and can’t imagine my life any other way.

[Fiction] Trust/Fall, Prelude

Okay, so I hinted at this on Tumblr a couple months back.

It had been a particularly bad day for people I cared about. There have been too many of those. And on that day, I decided that, in addition to all the dark and twisted erotica, I was going to write something with happy endings. Because people like me and the people I love deserve them. Hell, I was in fact going to go all out and write a romance. But it would be a romance on my terms: kinky and queer as fuck.

The result is a story idea that I’m calling Trust/Fall. Because I work best under limitations it’s going to be released serially (possibly even on a regular schedule if I can get my life together), and no one entry will exceed 500 words.

Enjoy!


My love life has always been…complicated. But, like a lot of girls, I always just kinda assumed I’d do my best in life, meet a guy, and somehow everything would work out from there. You know the narrative that gets drilled into society? You find a prince charming, a one true love, someone to spend your life with and it…works out. I realize just how naïve I was to believe that. But I was young, I was in a new city and I felt like I had a whole new life. I thought anything was possible. And it was. Just, it turns out it’s hard to be prepared for ‘anything’.

I’m Zoe Walker, my pronouns are she/her/hers. Back when all this started I was twenty-one and genuinely thought I had my self and the world figured out. Sure, there had been a few hiccups here and there, a minor medical issue or two, and there was a looming cloud of student loan debt. But, all in all, I figured that I was a pretty, confident, and talented young woman. Now, I read that more as ‘self-important little snot’, but you know how time changes all things.

I was on track to get a master’s of public health, and I’d just moved into my first apartment without a roommate. It was a tiny studio, but the fact that it was mine meant a lot to me. I remember laying down on the cushy carpet after I had signed the lease and looking up at the ceiling, breathing deep and drinking in the experience of having a place that I could call home. That lasted for about five minutes before I remembered that I didn’t really know how I was going to be able to pay for it. I had some savings and was able to defer my loans, but up to that point in my life I had relied on my parents a lot. Too much. That…wasn’t going to be an option anymore. I had a work-study lined up with the school, but I could do math. So job hunting was one thing that was going on the to-do list.

Another thing on the to-do list was me. I hadn’t really had the best time dating in high school. And while I’d had a fair amount of sex in college, my partners had always shied away from making that a long term thing. Just as well though, most of them hadn’t really…um…ticked my particular boxes. You see, I like being tied up (actually it turns out I like a whole hell of a lot more than that, but that’s what I knew at the time), and it had been far too long since anyone but myself had had a hand in that. That’s going to be relevant before we’re done.

I guess at this point I should just get on with it. So tempting to stall, to ask whether this is a story worth telling. Eh, fuck it.

Trust/Fall, Chapter One…