It had been a particularly bad day for people I cared about. There have been too many of those. And on that day, I decided that, in addition to all the dark and twisted erotica, I was going to write something with happy endings. Because people like me and the people I love deserve them. Hell, I was in fact going to go all out and write a romance. But it would be a romance on my terms: kinky and queer as fuck.
The result is a story idea that I’m calling Trust/Fall. Because I work best under limitations it’s going to be released serially (possibly even on a regular schedule if I can get my life together), and no one entry will exceed 500 words.
My love life has always been…complicated. But, like a lot of girls, I always just kinda assumed I’d do my best in life, meet a guy, and somehow everything would work out from there. You know the narrative that gets drilled into society? You find a prince charming, a one true love, someone to spend your life with and it…works out. I realize just how naïve I was to believe that. But I was young, I was in a new city and I felt like I had a whole new life. I thought anything was possible. And it was. Just, it turns out it’s hard to be prepared for ‘anything’.
I’m Zoe Walker, my pronouns are she/her/hers. Back when all this started I was twenty-one and genuinely thought I had my self and the world figured out. Sure, there had been a few hiccups here and there, a minor medical issue or two, and there was a looming cloud of student loan debt. But, all in all, I figured that I was a pretty, confident, and talented young woman. Now, I read that more as ‘self-important little snot’, but you know how time changes all things.
I was on track to get a master’s of public health, and I’d just moved into my first apartment without a roommate. It was a tiny studio, but the fact that it was mine meant a lot to me. I remember laying down on the cushy carpet after I had signed the lease and looking up at the ceiling, breathing deep and drinking in the experience of having a place that I could call home. That lasted for about five minutes before I remembered that I didn’t really know how I was going to be able to pay for it. I had some savings and was able to defer my loans, but up to that point in my life I had relied on my parents a lot. Too much. That…wasn’t going to be an option anymore. I had a work-study lined up with the school, but I could do math. So job hunting was one thing that was going on the to-do list.
Another thing on the to-do list was me. I hadn’t really had the best time dating in high school. And while I’d had a fair amount of sex in college, my partners had always shied away from making that a long term thing. Just as well though, most of them hadn’t really…um…ticked my particular boxes. You see, I like being tied up (actually it turns out I like a whole hell of a lot more than that, but that’s what I knew at the time), and it had been far too long since anyone but myself had had a hand in that. That’s going to be relevant before we’re done.
I guess at this point I should just get on with it. So tempting to stall, to ask whether this is a story worth telling. Actually, fuck it.
Trust/Fall, Chapter One…